Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
