I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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