sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
