Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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