I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
