well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
