thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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