in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
