Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
