you guys were way drunker than both of me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
