I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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