Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
