Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
