I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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