can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
