are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
