Hey man sorry I got all grabby
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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