That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
