He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
