I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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