i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I cockslap morals
we made out on top of his cat.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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