Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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