She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
