so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
