She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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