you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
