I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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