Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
