Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
