normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
