so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
