dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
