I want to walk on stilts...naked
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
