oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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