I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
