The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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