I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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