i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
