She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
