five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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