JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
