I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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