lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
