The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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