so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Floor bacon is actually really good
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
