Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
