Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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