smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am one with the molecules
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
