this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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