wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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