I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
